


i can feel my love coming back again

by maelstromik



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, I don't know how to do tags, Kissing, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Post-War, i have high hopes they will make up soon, it wasn't a break up but it sure feels like one, my idea for the malec reunion, post 2x18, takes place a few weeks after the war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-11 19:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11720844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maelstromik/pseuds/maelstromik
Summary: Alec stills behind him, the hand curled around Magnus's own going slack. He feels rather than sees Magnus turn around to look at him. It's enough to release the torrent of emotion he's been holding back for weeks and Alec is pulling Magnus towards him by his hand without a second thought and burying his face in Magnus's shoulder as soon as their bodies slot together, perfectly yet imperfectly."Magnus," Alec whispers hoarsely, his voice half muffled by the fabric of Magnus's coat. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."





	i can feel my love coming back again

**Author's Note:**

> hey :3 this is only my second fic but unsurprisingly, i had a lot of feelings after 2x18 and i know 2x19 aired today and the malec angst in the episode pretty much killed me. i love angst but i seriously need them to make up before the end of the season! anyway, this fic is just my imagining of a possible malec reunion after the war and i don't know much about how the alliance rune will work in the tv show so hopefully it kinda makes sense <3 enjoy! 
> 
> (also the title is from sun comes up by rudimental) 
> 
> and you can cry or yell at me about malec on twitter or tumblr @captainjaspar <3

 

  
Alec is just about to doze off, right on top of his ever growing pile of paperwork when there's a gentle rap on the door to his office. He looks up immediately, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and running a hand through his unruly hair in a bid to bring some form of semblance back to his undeniably haggard appearance but relaxes when Magnus pops his head around the corner. He smiles tiredly at the warlock from his desk and Magnus returns the smile with one of his own before stepping inside and edging the door shut.

  
"Hey," Alec says, his voice hoarse. "What uh - what brings you by? Everything okay?" 

 

Magnus nods, his brown eyes twinkling in the weak rays of evening sunlight which peeked through the gaps in the blue curtains adorning Alec's office. "I just wanted to see you."  
 

Alec swallows hard, his heart patters quickly against his rib-cage and he presses a steady hand to his chest. Things hadn't been easy between the two of them despite the events that took place in the battle against Jonathan and Valentine and even though their relationship had reached a point of normalcy once again, Alec couldn't deny the distance he still felt between himself and Magnus... a distance that hadn't been there before and coupled with the fact that Alec still slept at the Institute rather than at Magnus's loft... it made him feel continually uneasy. He opens his mouth to reply but the words get stuck in his throat and instead, he settles with a weak, "I'm glad you came. It's been a long day... uh, a long week actually." 

  
There is a comfortable silence in the room after Alec speaks and then Magnus is looking at him as though he is a complicated piece of artwork that he cannot quite decipher the meaning of. His eyes drink in Alec's pale face, the obvious circles underneath his eyes before they slip to his exposed forearms and take in the Alliance rune that is still etched on his right arm but fading slowly, losing the neat, black lustre that all runes seemed to have when first applied.

  
It is a while before Magnus tears his eyes away from the rune and focuses them on Alec's own and Alec swears he can see every moment he had shared with Magnus over the past few weeks flash between the faraway look in the warlock's eyes. He places a hand over the Alliance rune and remembers their private, little moment on the battlefield and how they had been surrounded by death and destruction but there had been a safety in looking into Magnus's unglamoured gaze whilst they hastily drew Clary's strange, envisioned rune on each other. Neither had understood what exactly it could do or perhaps they had both been dubious to Clary's claim that the rune would bind them together but Alec had brought Magnus close to him when he had first started feeling it's effects, cupped Magnus's face in his hands as he had felt the first licks of magic simmer underneath his skin and then they had kissed whilst their souls possibly intertwined with one another and the force of their power overran them.

 

"Alexander?" Magnus asks, his voice gentle and somewhat closer to him than before. Alec breaks away from the memory at the feeling of a warm hand cradling his face and when his mind refocuses, he is back in his office and Magnus is crouched down in front of him, one hand holding Alec's chair and the other stroking over his cheek. The sensation of Magnus's hands on his skin feels so foreign that Alec wants to cry but at the same time, he craves his touch, wants it like nothing else because they haven't so much as held hands since their kiss on the battlefield. "Alec?"   
  
  
"I'm sorry - I just... I just got caught up in my own thoughts," Alec tells him, leaning into the hand that is still cupping his cheek. "I - yeah. What were you saying?" 

  
"Don't apologise, sweetheart," Magnus smiles, a little sadly and runs a thumb underneath one of Alec's eyes. "I was only wondering if you were finished at the Institute for tonight." 

  
"I don't - I don't know. There's still so much paperwork to do. It all just keeps piling - 

  
"Have you been sleeping?" Magnus asks him, cutting off his rambling excuse. It is not so much as an excuse as Alec would like nothing more than for the distance between himself and Magnus to become non-existent but he is more willing to accept Magnus's need for space and to respect that he is still trying to restore his trust in him... yet the questions catches him off guard. "Have you?" 

  
Alec closes his eyes momentarily because his lack of response to Magnus's question had caused the older man to place his other hand on Alec's face as well. When Alec opens his eyes again, Magnus's emboldened gaze is burning into his and Alec feels his restraint crack and then he's telling Magnus things he wishes he couldn't because they will only worry him and Alec just wants Magnus to focus on himself, no one else... especially not him. "It's hard to sleep at the Institute. No one really seems to sleep anyway, not after what happened here and so everyone's just moving and Jace is always..." 

  
Alec trails off, not quite finishing his rambling sentence as he notices Magnus's eyes have become cloudy, hesitant and he's afraid he's said the wrong thing again, like he always manages to do but then Magnus is leaning forward and pressing his forehead against Alec's. "When was the last time you had a decent night's sleep? Without worrying about all the weight you carry on your shoulders?" His voice is shaky as he asks, almost as though he's scared to hear the answer. 

  
Alec doesn't lie, as much as he wants to because lying is what got them here in the first place so instead he croaks out, "It's been a while," and winces at the noticeable waver in his voice. 

  
"Oh Alexander," Magnus breathes before pulling away from him and picking himself up from the ground. He adjusts the sleeves of his coat before offering a hand to Alec and lifting him out of his chair. "What do you say we head back home and get some sleep? I think we both deserve it." 

  
_Home._ _He'd forgotten such a thing existed._

It's everything Alec wanted him to say and everything he didn't want him to say all at once but he finds himself nodding along with Magnus's suggestion. Magnus smiles at him and slips his hand out of Alec's to allow the Shadowhunter to shrug his jacket on and tidy up the overgrown stack of papers on his unkempt desk and then, Alec's hand returns to Magnus's own but before they can leave, Alec stills behind him, the hand curled around Magnus's own going slack. He feels rather than sees Magnus turn around to look at him. It's enough to release the torrent of emotion he's been holding back for weeks and Alec is pulling Magnus towards him by his hand without a second thought and burying his face in Magnus's shoulder as soon as their bodies slot together, perfectly yet imperfectly. 

  
"Magnus," Alec whispers hoarsely, his voice half muffled by the fabric of Magnus's coat. "I'm sorry.  _I'm so sorry_." 

  
"Alec - 

  
"No I need you to listen to me," Alec interrupts, his arms tightening around Magnus. " _Please_... please just hear what I have to say." 

  
He feels Magnus nod against his shoulder, feels his soft hair brush against the exposed skin at the collar of his shirt and when Magnus's arms tighten around Alec's middle reassuringly, Alec knows he's ready to tell Magnus anything and everything but for now, anything and everything can wait as for now, he starts with the truth.

  
"I'm sorry," Alec repeats, closing his eyes and he wonders if it's cowardly of him to be saying all these things without looking Magnus in the eyes but being in Magnus's arms and having him in his arms feels more like a constant reassurance and if anything, it eases the maelstrom of emotions he's feeling. "I keep messing things up. It's not just with you. I almost got my little brother killed because I was so set in my ways, so secure in the way that I had grown up and become a Shadowhunter that I didn't stop and think that times are changing - that being a Shadowhunter at such a young age is more dangerous than it ever was and yet... I let it happen. I misjudged my choice and Max nearly died." 

 

"Alec," Magnus breathes, dislodging himself slightly from Alec's arms and now Alec has no choice but to look into Magnus's eyes, pooling with tears. "What happened to Max wasn't your fault. Max... he's just like you and Isabelle and Jace. He's stubborn, head-strong and braver than your ordinary twelve-year old boy. He would have found a way to go on his first mission regardless of what you might have said." 

  
"Maybe," Alec huffs out a sad, half-hearted laugh. "He was still my responsibility, my brother. It was my job to ensure his safety and I... I didn't." 

  
Magnus doesn't reply and Alec is grateful because he doesn't want Magnus condoning his wrong choices. They stare at each other for a short while, eyes flickering over the other's face before Magnus drags a hand up Alec's arm and rests it loosely on the side of Alec's neck, over his deflect rune, still littered with tiny scars that hadn't yet healed from the war. He begins running his thumb over the exposed skin there and Alec almost sags into the touch. It's so ever-present and comforting, it's Magnus's way of telling him it's okay, telling him that he can take his time and that he understands that Alec has a lot more he wants to say. 

  
Alec takes a deep breath. 

  
"And you," Alec smiles humourlessly. "I never seem to do right by you. I always tell myself that it doesn't matter how different we are, that it doesn't matter that you're a Downworlder and I'm a Shadowhunter but in the end, I always end up making choices that prove the opposite. Magnus, I should have told you about the soul sword when I had the chance... you shouldn't - you shouldn't have had to hear it from anyone other than me and you trusted me and I - I broke your trust. So I understand why you walked away, I understand because you had every right to after everything I did - and it wasn't... I'm not just talking about the soul sword." 

  
Alec doesn't need to mention what else he's talking about because the memories seem to move between them, fleeting moments caught in time and when Magnus closes his eyes for a few painful second as though he's remembering exactly what Alec has left hanging unspoken in the air between them, a tear sneaks past Alec's eye because it is  _him_ , it is  _him_ who caused Magnus that pain.

  
It is yet another wrong choice that he made and his voice breaks when he says, "I know that this will take time. It will take time for you to trust me again but I - I have hope because I've never felt anything like how I felt when we activated that Alliance rune. I could feel your magic running through me and for a moment, it felt like we were one person and I know you felt it too Magnus so I'm holding onto that and I just hope that you will too. That you won't give up on me yet because I'm trying harder, I promise and I lo -   


"I love you," Magnus blurts out, cutting Alec off rather abruptly.

  
Alec stares at him for a while, a look of what could only be described as utter bewilderment lining his perfect features and Magnus smiles through the tears trickling down his face. It's a real smile this time, a genuine one and it only grows wider when Alec's face begins to mirror his own. They reach for each other before laughing and realising that they're only an arm's length away from one another and Magnus closes that small distance between them, kissing Alec with a fervent need he never knew he had. It's like the excitement of their first kiss and the sorrow of their last kiss all balled up into one and Magnus twists his fingers in Alec's jacket, wanting him closer. He traces the seam of Alec's lips with his tongue until Alec parts his mouth with a soft gasp and then their tongues are tangling and Magnus is tilting his head to deepen the kiss, licking into the sweet cavern of Alec's mouth as he does so. It is only when Alec's hands start travelling south that Magnus is reminded they are still at the Institute, still at Alec's office and there are still a million things they need to say to each other. 

  
He breaks away from the kiss and leans his forehead against Alec's as the Shadowhunter lets out a mournful whimper at the loss of Magnus's lips. Magnus smiles at the sound before drinking in the sight of Alec's red lips, wet and swollen from their kisses and his hazel eyes, blown wide with desire. "Alec - Alexander, I love you.  _I love you_." 

  
"I was going to say it first," Alec whispers, his eyes shining with mirth. He brings a hand up from Magnus's waist and brushes a thumb over his lower lip, plump and thoroughly kissed. 

  
"I think you've had your fair share of moments in which you got to say it first," Magnus smiles, pushing himself closer to Alec. He's forgotten how  _good_ Alec smells, his natural masculine scent mixed with his spicy cologne made for a heady combination. "Besides, it was my turn." 

  
Alec nods gently, knocking their foreheads together through the motion before sweeping down a little lower and catching Magnus's lips in his own again. The kiss is short and sweet and Magnus laughs as Alec drags his lips from the corner of his mouth to his earlobe, leaving behind ever-so soft butterfly kisses along his cheekbones.

  
"I love you too, Magnus," Alec tells him, his face half-hidden from view but his cheeks beautifully flushed. 

  
They bask in the feeling of each other whilst they stand there in the middle of Alec's cluttered, barely put together office where anyone could walk in on them but Magnus finds it hard to care about that, not when he's in Alec's arms and Alec's long fingers are carding through his hair, detangling the knots that the product he had put in earlier that morning had created. It's a blissful moment of calm for the both of them, after all the hurt they had experienced and Magnus feels a part of him settle into the tranquillity but moments of calm only lasted for so long and Magnus wishes he didn't have to break it so quickly but there are things he must do as well, wrongs he must right.

  
"Alexander," Magnus starts. "There are things I have to say to you as well." 

  
Alec frowns and Magnus smiles, smoothing out the crease it leaves behind in the space between his eyebrows. "Suffice it to say... you're not the only one who has made mistakes in these past weeks. I did too and it started with the night I found out about the soul sword. When Luke first mentioned it to me, I refused to believe it because I knew you wouldn't keep such a thing - such an  _important_ thing from me and I'm - I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, Alec. I just need you to understand _why_ I said the things that I said that night." 

  
"Magnus, it's okay," Alec smiles at him softly. 

  
"No, it isn't," Magnus tells him, taking Alec's hands into his own. He looks down at their joined hands and entwined fingers, the contrast between their skin tones, the silver of the rings adorning Magnus's fingers and the shimmer of his dark blue nail polish against the fading bruises and cuts lining Alec's knuckles. "What I said was out of anger, out of hurt and betrayal. I can't have you going about your life thinking that I really meant those things because I didn't. You're nothing like the Clave, you're nothing like your parents because their actions do not define your own. Alec... you're kind, brave, good-hearted... you're always willing to try, always willing to do the right thing even when no one else wants to and I admire that about you... I  _love_ that about you." 

  
The words seem to settle in the air around them like dust before they surround the two of them and Alec averts his gaze from Magnus's, a shy half-smile dancing on his lips and his hazel eyes shiny with moisture. Magnus thinks that Alec has never looked so beautiful, never looked quite so ease and content with the state of his world. It's like Magnus's words had been designed to set him free, designed to relieve the constant weight that Alec carries on his shoulders... or perhaps they are what Alec has been waiting for - a sign, an indication that things between himself and Magnus were still salvageable, that there was still  _hope_ for them. 

  
Magnus places two, coaxing fingers underneath Alec's chin and tips his face up so that their lips can meet. He does his best to pour everything he can into the kiss - all the emotions, all the doubts and all the hope he is suddenly overwhelmed with and Alec gives back as good as he gets, his fingers snaking up the sleeves of Magnus's coat and skimming over the sensitive area of skin where Magnus's half of the Alliance rune still lies. 

  
"Alexander," Magnus whispers as Alec breaks away from the kiss to bring Magnus's arm to his lips. He watches, eyes heavy with devotion as Alec kisses, almost reverently over the rune that had protected them throughout the war, the rune that had somehow helped them find their way back to each other. 

  
"Magnus," Alec whispers back, guiding Magnus's arm back to his side and taking his face into his hands. "Thank you." 

  
"For what?" 

  
"For not giving up on this," Alec says simply, as though his words aren't doing anything to Magnus's unsteady heart. "Even after everything that had happened, after all the mistakes that I made with you, with the Downworld. It might sound like an empty promise but I'm trying harder to do better, to be a better leader and I can't say that I won't make more mistakes in the future... But just know that I'm _trying_ , always trying." 

"I know you are," Magnus smiles, leaning into Alec's calloused palms and bumping their noses together. "And while it may take some time for me to repair my trust in you, my trust in us... just know that I'm trying as well, always trying." 

  
Their arms seem to come up around each other out of their own accord after Magnus's own declaration and Alec tucks his face neatly into the crook of Magnus's neck, one hand gripping his shoulders and the other threaded within the longer strands of hair at the top of Magnus's head. 

  
"You came back to me," Alec murmurs quietly and the only way he knows that Magnus heard him is through the sudden tightening of the older man's arms around him and the press of his lips against his temple. 

  
"My sweet Alexander," Magnus marvels, pressing his lips harder against Alec's skin. "I'll _always_ come back to you."

 

 ***

 


End file.
